Fourteen Things to do at Wal-Mart while your
significant other is taking his or her sweet
time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares
to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor
to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her
in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares,"
and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put
a bag of M&Ms on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department
and tell other shoppers you'll invite them
in only if they bring pillows from the bedding
department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you,
begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you
people just leave me alone?"
9. While handling guns in the hunting department,
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants
are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible."
11. In the auto department, practice your
Madonna look using different size funnels.
12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people
browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud
speaker, assume the fetal position and scream,
"NO! NO! It's those voices; again."
And last but not least...
14. Go into a fitting room and yell loudly:
"Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
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