Letter from Martha Stewart to Erma Bombeck:
Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself
to
tell you what I have been up to.
Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old
barn
wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out
my loom,
and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the
sled complete, I
made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just sitting
around
in my craft room.
By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for
my
20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course
breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have
time to
make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones
I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just
a
touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled
gold stars on the ceiling.
Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle
molds
and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for
breakfast.
These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost
any
Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm
wearing for breakfast.
I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon
as
the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast
guests
don't stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay
leaves
before my speaking engagement at noon. It's a good thing.
Love, Martha Stewart
P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch
gold
gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries
which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Response from Erma Bombeck:
Dear Martha,
I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention
to the coffee and jelly stains. I'm 20 minutes late getting
my daughter up
for school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the
dog
pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out, again. Burnt my arm on
the curling
iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries, how DO they
do that?
Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using
an
old disposable razor . . . trashed the tablecloth. Oh, another thing,
the frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.
Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie
snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that
resembles puke!
The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.
Love, Erma