The following is an actual exam question
given on a University of Washington chemistry
mid term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which
is, of course, why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off
when it expands and heats up when it is compressed)
or some variant thereof.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell
is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate that souls are moving in to Hell and
the rate they are leaving. I think ! that
we can safely assume that once a soul gets
to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will
go to Hell. Since there are more than one
of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can
project that most souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we
can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure
in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell
has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate
than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me during
my Freshman year by Amy McMichaels, "...that
it will be a cold day in Hell before I'll
go out with you," and take into account
the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having that event take place, then, #2
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell
is exothermic and will not freeze."
The student received the only "A"
given.
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