This is for anyone planning a trip to Dallas,
TX
Life in America's fifth largest city:
1. You must learn to pronounce the city
name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS, depending
on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned
elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of
traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There
is no such thing as a "dangerous high-speed
chase" in Dallas. We all drive like
that.
3. All directions start with, "Get
on Beltline" ...which has no beginning
and no end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00am
to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from
3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts
Thursday.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light,
you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly
shot. When you are the first one on the starting
line, count to three when the light turns
green before going to avoid crashing with
all the drivers running the red light in
cross-traffic. However, do not count to four
or higher unless you want to get rear-ended
from the gal behind you in a SUV
6. Construction on Central Expressway is
a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
We have had so much fun with that, that we
have added George H. Bush Tollway (aka 190)
and Jupiter Road to the mix.
7. All unexplained sights are explained
by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!!"
8. If someone actually has their "turn
signal" on, it's probably a factory
defect.
9. All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes
always have the right of way. They come from
old money and could probably buy and sell
you anyway.
10. Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway,
East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston
Road... all mysteriously change names as
you cross intersections. (These are only
a FEW examples) The perfect example is what
is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south
end it is known as Lake Highlands Boulevard,
cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Road, go
about 8 miles and it's briefly Greenville
Avenue, then Avenue K, and Highway 5. (Don't
even try to explain going east on Spring
Valley (from Central), which becomes Centennial,
which becomes Buckingham, which runs into
Beltline -see # 3......)
11. A trip across town (east to west) will
take a minimum of four hours, although many
north/south freeways have unposted minimum
speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed
on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything
less is considered downright sissy.
12. The wrought iron on windows near Oak
Cliff isn't ornamental.
13. It IS possible to be driving WEST in
the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway.
Don't let this confuse you.
14. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily
version of NASCAR.
15. LBJ is called "The Death Trap"
for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
16. If it's only 100 degrees, Halloween
must be next weekend.
17. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing,
the Fort Worth Stock Show
must be going on.
18. If it has rained 6 inches in the last
hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in
the second round if it is Spring; or it is
the Texas State Fair if it is Fall.
19. Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas,
race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently
located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible
so as to allow for ample parking on grassy
areas.
20. If you need to ask for directions, get
ALL the names of the street you are being
told to turn onto...we intermix numbers,
letters, names for the same roads.
21. If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks
old, throw it out and buy a new one.
22. Observe all school-zone speed limits.
Cops here have mirrors on both sides of their
sunglasses
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